My Way Back Home To The Catholic Church part II

This is The second part of my conversion story. If you have not read part one, click here.

Now a couple of months or so had passed by since having the experience of seeing Jesus and having him speak to me in such a profound way. The only thing though is I never even really thought too much about what had happened. I kept living the same way that I was but I was beginning to have more of an interest in God. I bought a few books and read them and was feeling the pull towards Him.

At the time I was working at a Restaurant as a waiter. (Boy did I despise doing that job. For all of you that wait tables for a living I have MUCH respect for you. I have never tipped lousy since :) One night was especially bad. I had made quite a bit of money that night. The most I had done in weeks. After I got finished counting my money for the night, the end result was not what I had expected. I lost over $100 somehow and brought home almost nothing. At this point I broke. I couldn't take it anymore. (Just to interject here, it wasn't just the money it was everything surrounding me at that time and I just popped) I felt like I was depressed all the time anyways, and this just was the icing on the cake. I didn't know what I was feeling. I was angry, sad, frustrated. I just couldn't take living my life the way I was anymore. 

On my way home while I was driving I started letting it all out with God. Crying hysterically. I couldn't control myself. I yelled and cried out to him saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry please help me! Please!" Now when I tell you this keep in mind I was still driving my car on the Florida Turnpike. It was late probably sometime around midnight, so nobody was really on the road. I felt something like a rush into my soul and I was suddenly in a beautiful place under a tree. Everything was perfect. Tree's, grass, just awesome and peaceful. (The only thing I can guess is that this was some sort of inner locution. I wasn't aware at all that I was still driving my car)  I could somehow sense or maybe even see the Spirit of God coming across this vast land. He was coming towards me and as he reached to were I was he said to me "So what have you learned?" My response back to him was "I learned that I need to be more like you"As soon as I had completed that phrase I felt an INCREDIBLY POWERFUL rush into my soul. It was absolutely AMAZING! The joy that
I felt in that moment couldn't even come remotely close to the greatest joy felt here on earth. I can't even begin to describe it correctly. Amazing! That's all I can say. At that moment I knew exactly how God sees us and the enormous love he has for us, and I understood the relationship between us. If you were to ask me to describe what I understood...I couldn't even tell you. It was something I knew just in that moment. 


After it was over I came to somehow and was still driving my car. I was on cloud 9 after that. I felt great and was praising God all the way home. Since that very day I have not been able to go through a single day without thinking about Jesus. My life in that moment changed forever. I am completely aware of my sins and realize the need for conversion each and everyday. 


Now in part III I will explain why I am Catholic. Something that could come as a surprise is that I was ready to be part of any Church out there. I left that part in the hands of God himself...

My Way Back Home To The Catholic Church part I

I'll go ahead and start when I was a teenager and life was just way too simple. No responsibilities, just freshly out of High School and no real aspirations to do well....anything. I was in all kinds of trouble(although for the most part rarely got caught...Whew! Thank Our Lord for that one!) Started drinking a lot. Going to parties, working in various jobs. Let's  just say this...My life was Full of Sin, as long as I didn't break the"Thou Shalt Not Kill Commandment" I was ok I thought. There is a lot to say about my way of life at that time, but for the sake of making this readable, and getting to the point all I'll say is this...By all accounts, I was on a very slippery slope. My life was drenched in an abyss of darkness. It was very real, and evil had gripped me to the core and at around 20 years old, it was growing darker by the day and I was losing total control of just about everything in my life. I remember driving to work one day marveling at the "Great Achievements" of man. Buildings, and cars, technology, and remember saying to God. "You must marvel at what we've done as human beings. Just look at all this! I bet if I become a very powerful man with very little effort, You'll be so proud of what I've achieved!" Boy looking back at that now and what I know to be true...How Stupid!

But that's what pride will do to a person. I was Baptized Catholic, attended Mass off and on throughout childhood, but that was definitely enough to know better than that. I even went so far as to say to my friends at the time, "Yeah I believe in God, I think the Old Testament is all made up, but I think a lot of the New Testament is true. You know with Jesus and stuff." OYE! That's hard to even fathom at this point, but that just gives you a little taste of where I was in my life. 

Now somehow I was beginning to notice something was very wrong in my life. I couldn't quite pinpoint it at the time, but life was beginning to mean nothing at all to me. One night after watching TV for a little while I started to feel very distressed. I was thinking about Hell and whether I would go there had I died. This shook me. I believe God at this point was finally starting to break through this wall that I had built around my heart, but it wasn't ready to come down yet. I said "Oh God! Am I going to Hell!" I said this over and over again. It was a terrible sorrow and weight on my soul. I couldn't bear it. I started to cry and just kept repeating it over and over, only now I was saying "God please don't let me go there! Help me!" I laid my head down on my pillow and closed my eyes...and all of a sudden I saw a huge crowd of people(internally) and they were all on their knees. As I hovered across this crowd I came upon a huge altar made of stone. I was on this altar repeating the same words as earlier on my knees, and before me was Jesus Christ.(I'm still blown away by this even now, and this was 10 years ago) All of a sudden everything went away, except for Jesus and me laying prostrate in front of him. He then began to speak to me in a very gentle and calm but authoritative voice and he said "Do not worry. You are going to be alright." I then opened my eyes and was at peace...and ofcourse being naive I thought alright cool, I must be fine. So I continued on the same path, but this time things began to happen, and nothing could've prepared me for what would happen a few months later....

I think this will be a good place to stop for this post. Look out for the rest of my story coming up shortly.